Last night as I was having some of my special eggnog (1 part milk, 2 parts nog, 1.5 parts brandy, .5 parts amaretto) I was also cooking.
Jana can cook and do a lot of other things. I’m sure, though I haven’t caught her at it, that she can cook and do encaustic work, shave a poodle, and then knit a sweater.
At any rate, as I was pitting an avocado using my special trick (stab the pit with a really sharp knife and twist it out), I ended up slicing my thumb.
Like a giant paper cut across the top of the thumb into the nail, which of course caused it to bleed a lot. At which point I remembered that I had meant to get band aids and antiseptic cream and somehow had forgotten, because, thank you very much, it’s been over a year since the last major slicing.
But I have paper towels and tape. Which is basically a band aid anyway. Of course, the end result — due to bulky paper towel wrapping — is that it looks like I violently stabbed myself in the thumb with a knife, instead of violently grazing my thumb with a knife.
But the moral of the story, and the reason for writing, is that sometimes that “special avocado trick” we think we have is sometimes not special at all. It’s just stupid.
Naturally, had my mother been around, she would have stopped all this before it even happened. Like her cold prevention method of always wearing a sweater.
But the reality is sometimes you have to gently abrade your own flesh with a paring knife before you realize that you’re an idiot, and the old ways are best.
In this particular case, I have no idea what the “old ways” are, but I welcome any and all advice on how to properly pit an avocado without a blood sacrifice.
Maybe that’s the real avocado trick, learning how to ask for advice when you don’t know what the hell you’re doing.