Giant Baby

I saw another birth announcement on my facebook newsfeed the other day and my first thought was “ANOTHER one? How many babies can you HAVE in such a short time??”

Herein lies the problem facebook presents me with. Instead of seeing all the birth announcements, birth celebrations, baby showers, room painting, small shoe buying, sideways pregnant photos as a series of friends getting pregnant, I now view them as one large entity. Indeed, for me, it’s as if my friend facebook is forever pregnant, forever getting engaged, forever taking pictures of their coffee, and I am beyond annoyed with my friend.

She’s always pregnant. If I’ve seen one “six months belly! squee! I’m so huge lolz” I’ve seen them all. Because she’s always posting them.

If she’s sent out one set of “got the DJ booked now on to find the perfect invitations! Hit me up with your address” she’s done it eight too many times.

If she’s taken one picture of her soy no fat extra caramel crème brulee seasonal latte in a lolz cat mug proclaiming “Iz morning? NOOOOOOOOOOO” she’s …well she seems to do it every day.

It’s like having an amnesiac friend with only one story in their repertoire. “Remember that time I got married? Had a baby? Bought shoes? Have I filled you in with all the details? I’m sure I haven’t. Also, I have pictures!”

Of course, in reality I know that each marriage, pregnancy, first trip to Kansas is unique. But ooh-de-lally does it all roll together for the rest of us.

But I miss the days when I read up on these announcements. I looked at all the “pre-engagement” photos. I kept up with the daily pregnancy log, I read the travel vlog.

Truth is, I have trouble being interested this late in the game. After that first wave of getting married, having babies, donating kidneys the novelty wears off.

As it stands, happy for them and all, but I kinda wish my friends were doing more interesting things. Like making log cabins out of swizzle sticks, grilling up an epic cheese, pranking their own children.

These are the important moments in life. Finding a spouse cannot possibly be as life changing as getting a 10 pound bag of taffy from the bulk foods aisle.

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