Potential Fear

I’ve documented my fear of spiders. I’ve discussed my fear of vomiting in front of strangers, and my fear of appearing weak. I’m also afraid of heights, driving in the snow, and expired food products.

But perhaps my greatest fear is potential fear. It’s the fear that maybe you’re really good at something and if you just gave it a shot you’d attain it. There’s nothing worse for me than having someone affirm I’m good at something. “Oh swell. You think I’m a great cook? Now I have to actually cook!”

Just kidding, no one’s ever said that to me.

In college they thought I was great at writing movie reviews. So I started writing movie reviews for my college paper. Instantly I became a perverse movie reviewer who didn’t go out to review that which was highly sought after by audiences, but the tiny crap films that no one cared about. “Dragon Wars” was one I actually went to review. “Ghost Rider” was another. All the while fielding questions like “have you seen “Pan’s Labyrinth”?” Nope, sorry. Do not come to me for quality movie opinions.

When my family plays cards (pinochle to be specific, and often) I do my best not to pay any attention to the game and distract as many other players as possible. It’s usually when I take time to try out my stand-up material that will never see the front of a stage. You’d be surprised how often I win by not caring about the end result of the game.

Yet, I’ve never seen anyone give that kind of advice to someone in earnest pursuit. “Stop caring! Just pretend it doesn’t matter.” Actually, wait, girls use that to get guys all the time…unfortunately reverse psychology doesn’t work on inanimate objects. That pot will boil in its own time whether you’re watching it or not.

The trick is, as always, putting the water in and turning the heat on. I’m not so great the heat. And a little sloppy with the water. I have the pot though.

It’s a new January, friends. One step at a time. Grab your pot, put some water in it, and turn up the heat. Just a little.

Damn it. How did I end on a cooking metaphor?

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