I don’t fly a lot, but when I do fly my prayer is simple: “Please God, don’t let any men sit next to me.” This wasn’t always my prayer. It used to be “Please God, let an attractive man sit next to me.” Now I send up a little cheer when the 50 year old woman sits beside me with her crossword puzzle.
Back in the day, I sat next to an attractive man. I don’t want to name any real names, so let’s just call him “Dan da Man” because that’s what he called himself online. Not my usual type, but I’ve been told to “give men a chance” so I did.
A quick word about giving a guy a chance. It’s going to backfire. Maybe not right away, like it did with me, but it will, at some point, be a most regrettable decision.
Dan da Man did not introduce himself this way. He merely offered me his coat to sleep on. A gentlemanly gesture which endeared him to me somewhat. If he’d had a pillow stuffed in his jacket that would have been more endearing. I worked at not drooling on his jacket. We talked as the plane descended and though he laughed at absolutely nothing I said, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and gave him my email address.
A word on giving someone the benefit of the doubt. Altruism, while admirable, is perhaps the wrong tact to take with someone you’ve known less than two hours.
I wasn’t convinced I wanted to hear from him later, but I figured I’d risk it, what the hell, right?
A word on a “whatever” mentality. It’s never as innocuous a situation as you’ve mentally prepared for.
Dan “da Man”, as his facebook account named him, sent me a message describing the …visceral and tactile pleasures he’d gotten from sitting next to me. But the cherry on the sundae was that he described my “thy” brushing against his. “Thy” is apparently “da Man” speak for “thigh”.
A word on misspellings. Sometimes it’s totally adorable…when you’re five. When you’re an adult sending another adult the opening passage to a harlequin romance novel she apparently stars in, it kills the mood and your chances.
So now I recount Dan da Man for humor and as a reminder that sometimes when you ask God for something he’s going to have some fun with it. And so should you.